a child of action.

'My dear child,
When you read or hear my word, I want it to go into your very being - to germinate in your heart. What use is it going to be to you if it just goes in one ear and out the other? You get caught up in the highs and lows of life, and not in me.

I urge you to ACT on my word! It is absolutely no good to you if you don't let it settle and grow into your heart. If you catch just a glimpse - a flicker of my truth - the free life, stick to it! Stick to what you have read or heard. This makes you a child of action, my child of action. And in that you will find DELIGHT and AFFIRMATION. And those things are beautiful.
Love,
Dad'

Based around James 1:19-27

I like to picture a seed, going deep into the ground, where strong roots can form, and where it can be well nourished, and before long a beautiful flower emerges. Why did it emerge? The seed was planted (the word was given), it took on every nourishing source it could, had it rejected it, it would never have made it out of the ground. From actually letting his word go into our very being, that makes us into creatures of beauty, (that is when the 'flower' emerges) sons and daughters of the king - of kings. HE makes us beautiful.

It's our choice whether to let his word germinate into our heart or not, that is when he produces 'flowers' in our life. Be his child of action, see what exciting things he does with your actions that are in response to his word!

waiting

So this is a very small drop of water into a very large Ocean, coz i've got so much to learn, but there's a few things that God has been showing me over the year. If you read this and have advice to share, please do!!

'In the autumn on the ground, between the traffic and the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
i watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wana walk it well'

A few things have come to my attention as a daughter of Christ, about waiting for love. It is so incredibly hard to wait for it. But i do believe our Papa tells us to wait for the right time for a good reason. I think like Brooke Frasers song 'love is waiting' and how it says 'i'll give it time, give it space, be still for a spell, when it's time to walk that way , we wanna walk it well' Is an amazingly good point. If we aren't able to be secure in Jesus alone, and in that state, we let our heart get attached to someone else, we're putting an expectation on them that is far more than they as a human can fulfill. The poor person, just won't be able to cut it for us, coz we're trying to make them our everything, but they can't possibly be! So if we feel we're in the position where we are looking for someone to spend our life with, and needing that more than we need Jesus, we need to wait. When we meet a potential partner, we want to walk it well.

'Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,
by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:
Don't excite love, don't stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you're ready' Song of Solomon 2:7

I often use this verse as a bit of a check up on where i'm at, i think it's a good indicator of where you're at with God, so before you start pursuing someone, have a think, read this verse, and see how you're doing. Pray. And ask God to give you the strength to say No to it, if he doesn't want it, but also that he'd be your ultimate source of joy and hope, and he'd show you that the joy you can experience from him is far better!

1 Corinthians 13
'Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.'

Creatures of Light

I found this to be really encouraging, i wrote this as a letter from God (otherwise known as my papa), to myself. It was sort of like this little nudge that acted as a kick start, it was my heavenly Dad telling me to keep that chin of mine up, no matter what trouble or hurt i was facing. He wanted me to keep that chin held high and to place my all in all in to his loving hands.

We, as children of his, must try to stay in a place where we are able to bring his message to the world, simply by being. When our life is in complete surrender to him, that is when he shines out at his best without us trying! This is when his strengths can truly be shown to the world, and aren't clouded by our insecurities, by our hurts, by our negativity, by our addictions. We need to be a creature of Light!

Taken from 1 Thessalonians 5:1-10

'My child, you're not in darkness, maybe it feels it, but you are my child - my child of light and day!

You live under a wide open sky, and you're standing upon a rock, which is me - your Papa! So don't sleepwalk through this life, keep those eyes open!

Be smart.... As a creature of light, act like it! Walk into your day sober, dressed in faith, love and a sure hope in me.. You are alive in me child! And only me!'

be still

'be still and know that I am God' Psalm 46:10

That verse popped into my head today. Made me realise, it's so easy to get all caught up in circumstance and for our minds to get stuck in overdrive, just thinking too hard about the ins and outs of life, when all we're doing is wasting precious time.... We get caught up thinking 'what if?' and 'why?' and 'what do you want me to do?' and 'do you even care?' and 'can't you hear me?' and 'where are you?' Before we know it, we're stamping our feet and trying to get all the answers, and when we don't we are flung into a full blown stress frenzy, and our walk with God goes a few steps backwards, because our trust upon him has slipped.

This verse, tells us to 'be still and KNOW that I am God.' It doesn't say 'KNOW that i am God and THEN be still.' I think it's a decision we must make, as incredibly hard as it may be, we need to lift up that chin, turn our face toward our Daddy, so his gaze is upon us, where we are able to see it, and then decide that this situation is smaller than God, and that he is more than capable of handling it. It is then that you will KNOW God, it comes second. Take a step of faith, and then KNOW that he is God.

I know stressing out about situations and letting them take you over is so easy to do, but being 'still' is just letting go of that thing you've been holding on to so tightly, and giving it over to someone who knows how to deal with it. If you haven't let it go, how can anything good be done with it? It's still in your hands which aren't capable of doing anything but stress! So loosen that grip, it's a stronghold that is pulling you down, and pass it on over to your father!

When we give to him, he pours out the blessings upon YOU. 'Luke 6:38 Give and you will receive, your gift will return to you in full-pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back' So take a deep breath, and trust and be still in HIS strength. Let it go, Let Jesus do what he wants with it, after all, he will bless you for it, abundantly!! Believe it! We have the power, through the most amazing holy father ever, to get through tough times with joy and peace.

something big.

'persist: to continue steadfastly or firmly in some state, purpose, course of action..'

'But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.' Isaiah 40:31

I feel as though i am learning the true meaning of perseverance, of persisting to see my fathers beautiful path, in the times when it's easiest to give up, to slump down and give in to the darkness trying to press it's way in. It is then that i MUST take a quiet moment and say to my heavenly papa 'Father, my strong and mighty father, i can't fight this anymore, my heart screams out for satisfaction from things that won't ultimately satisfy, i need you right now Jesus, more than anything, I know you will satisfy, i know you're forever having to show me your truth, that your love is better, but please, in this moment of pain, i welcome you in'

Jesus comes into our pain and brokenness, and wipes those tears off our face and says 'my child, i love you, come back to me, I AM all you need. I AM.' It is a huge lesson in persistence, it goes against what our soul naturally wants to do, we have an idea in our head on what is going to satisfy, and only end up hurting as we've poured a part of ourself out to something that doesn't last, only to be left feeling empty, and having lost something. Yet we still go back to it time and time again trying to find our lost piece again. Jesus however, when we run to him, we have a fail proof father, who is never going to run dry, never going to leave you helpless, never going to hurt you. Why is it that we continue to run to things that don't last? Persist with Jesus' fail proof love. Not with 'things'

That is why i believe persistence is vital. Sometimes our hearts need a bit of work, they have scarring and a buildup of muck, from all the failed attempts at achieving full satisfaction. Jesus has to chip away for awhile before he actually touches our heart, you feel little chinks of it, here and there, but you have to persist. Every time you feel pain, call out, just like a child to his loving parent, persist to call to him. Our father is quite capable of replacing pain with peace. I know because i have experienced it. It is in the hard times, that the Joy of the father can be felt so passionately, because what sort of 'thing' could bring such a happiness into our life when times are rough? My thoughts are, It'd have to be something pretty big. I haven't found anything other than Jesus that is capable.

So when things are hard, steadfastly persist in Jesus. And in nothing else. Bring your prayers and petitions to him, and he will replace them with peace and with a joy like nothing else. It's something BIG.

mediocre. not our future.

I believe a life lived for Christ should be far more than mediocre. It should be full of passion, full of joy, full of love, fully selfless and fully surrendered to a high King, - THE high king who also happens to be our loving Papa. I believe we as his beautiful/handsome children should be living life completely in him.

Life completely in him is so not mediocre! I'm realizing living a day with him should bring excitement each morning. It puts a hope in your heart of good things to come! 'Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.' Leave that little black cloud that has been clinging to you behind!! 'Be not afraid and be not discouraged!! For I your God will be with you always!' God IS. God is what? God IS everything. When you have that power inside of you, your power, your love, your peace, your strength - everything becomes limitless. Why? Because it is not your own, it is your fathers (your real heavenly fathers), and through Christ you have access to it all. And he IS.

When you know that is inside of you, does that not make you want to make the most of life? Doesn't that make you want to give all you can, be all you can, love all you can and live life in surrender to a crazy, unpredictable, fresh, exciting, limitless Father? It should encourage you to carry on despite your circumstances. Circumstances may not change, but with Jesus he carries us through hard ones!

Pour your life out to him, for him, and see what happens. Your life can be potentially something way out of this world. Not because you have it inside of you, no, it is found in Jesus, who can be inside of you! And Jesus's life on earth was far from mediocre.

No more of this day in, day out dreary nonsense. Life is most definitely not meant to be lived half hearted. If you're living with Jesus, pour out your WHOLE heart, your WHOLE life, it's an ongoing process. Let HIM take your hand and lead you where to go. Spice it up with Jesus!!

yoyos and gingerloaf

I made yoyos. and gingerbread loaf. But you don't get to see pictures of the loaf. It wasn't so attractive looking. The taste however, boy oh boy, the taste, was wonderful!! Oh, the joy it brings to bake a sweet treat, to lick the bowl afterwards, and to smell the comforting smell of sweet, hot cookies wafting through the house. It brings a sense of comfort.

It takes me back to the beautiful memories of arriving home from a treacherous bike ride from a dreary day at school, on those icey winter days. Often feeling somewhat frustrated, I'd make the turn into the infamous 'Brown' household on Sawyers Arms Rd. The sight would bring joy to me like nothing else. I'd glide through the opening of the friendly holly hedge in the driveway to see smoke drifting out of the chimney into a dull grey sky. The old house seemed to smile at me every time I came through that gate. It'd tell me, 'you're home now, put a smile back on your face.' I'd quickly park my bike outside the door, trying to ignore Dad's voice in my head saying 'if you keep leaving your bike there it's going to get stolen, why don't you put it in the garage?' My wind blown hair and numb fingers always ready to be welcomed in to the calm behind the door. I'd scuttle up the concrete steps, open the door, slunk my bag onto the floor with a thud, and that's when it'd hit me, the sweet aroma of my dear Mother's simply fantastic baking. I'd click open the french doors into the kitchen, and be hit by a beautiful warmth from the old woodfire. Looking at the bench, i'd see, Mum had been on a rather hefty baking mission! There would be bowls waiting to be licked clean and fresh baking waiting to be savoured. My eyes always welcomed the sight of a hot caramel slice still sitting in its tin cooling on the bench, or mufffins on the go in the oven, and a popular 'no bake' muesli slice setting in the fridge. It wasn't out of the ordinary for Mum to bake that much in one go, i can assure you, an unusual occurence in the 'Brown' household - this was not. What could be better after a dreary old day at school and a somewhat chilling bike ride home? Not a lot i say. Not a lot.

Oh the memories. I am thankful for such a blessed upbringing. What a privilege! Sometimes it's the little things in life. A cosy, friendly home. A loving family. Sometimes its just, yoyos and gingerloaf! :)

He hears ya!

Yeah so the below applies. When i was away i had one day where everything just kept going wrong. Not big things, but you know when it's all those tiny little petty things? haha!

So firstly. I woke up feeling dry of God, you know, like he wasn't there, even though the day before i felt incredibly close (guess that's life you know, ups and downs) But i just was like oh well, i'm gonna push into God HARD, even if i don't feel anything, i know he's there, and he's been so good to me.

Then i was trying to lock the door, and probably stood there for like.. 10mins getting really flustered... only to find out i just needed to turn the key the other way. DUH. I said to myself 'Shrug if off, shrug it off, water off a ducks back!!' (haha. Man i love that saying.)

So off i went on the 5min drive down to the harbour to have my quiet time. Still was feeling dry.. but just prayed and read his word anyway... Got to the end of that, had had my ipod playing hooked up to the car sound system for the whole time.... (can you see whats coming??) I was a little bit disappointed i couldn't 'feel' God as much as i had the day before, but.. i figure, what is our faith worth if it's just based upon a feeling?

Got to the end of my quiet time, and turned the ignition.... only to hear that noise.. it was like 'puttputtputtputteeeeemmbbohhhkkk'.. 'ohhhh AWESOME!!! I've run the battery flat. no no no no no no no' i said to the steering wheel as if it was going to have compassion on me and turn the car on for me... then i was like 'umm God?? can you turn the car on?' my heart was like boooomboomboombooom. God didn't want to jump start the car through his holy spirit for me unfortunately.... so i got out of the car which was now just making a constant 'beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep' noise. I had to ask for help, hear that? i had to ask for help!! ahhh. In my pretty puff skirt and chucks i had to walk into a rough pub where a bunch of fisherman characters were outside having a good beer.. I edged up to the counter and explained myself...... Only to be pleasantly surprised with a friendly old guy who owned the pub. He looked at me funny and chuckled and with a sigh said 'i can help ya!' I think he thought i was a bit crazy, but wanted to help nevertheless! He was a sweetheart.

Within seconds he had the car going with his little jump starter kit thingy.... and i was like 'ohhh thanks so so much, so do i have to like run the car for a while now??' and he just looked at me with a blank expression on his face and nodded and said 'you're welcome' and then we went our separate ways. After that, i felt as though i had been zapped with life, zapped by God and just generally electrified by.. life! I was like 'wow thanks so much God, i needed that man!'

Only now i just realise... that old man at the pub, was .. an old man that didn't realise God was working right through him. God heard my prayers, and through the oddest of all events, he made himself known inside of me again. I have a deep reassurance with that 'feeling' or without, God is there and he hears us. He sees our silly little mistakes and chuckles and willingly goes 'i'll help!'

positivity.

It's pretty easy to be negative, i naturally tend to be a little bit pessimistic. It's miserable. Haha. It's hard work to remain positive, but when you do, that hard work is very rewarding.

I've had an amazing break away, with Jesus, i think i'm falling in love again. haha! And he's taught me so much over these few days. One thing he taught me was to really work on remaining positive. Negativity sucks the joy right out of us. It's not of God at all! I was watching something by joyce meyer and she was talking about 'power thoughts' - thoughts to keep us positive.

Here are some points i want to focus on every single morning as i wake up:

- Psalm 27:13 'I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living - (right here right now!)
Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord!' Today, good things will happen!!

- Romans 8:37-39 'No in all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. I am convinced.... NOTHING will separate us from Christ's love' Be confident that no matter what happens today, Christ is going to handle it.

- Live each day fearlessly and courageously! 'Be strong and courageous, for I your father will be with you always, even to the end of the age' What could be better? What else do we need to get through today? NOTHING. God is the only unfailing, loving, neverending presence to have with you each step of your day.

- 'Allow the power of Christ in you to handle the day with a pure heart, a clear head, a steady hand, with gentleness, with holiness, with genuine love, with alertness and to remain un-swerved' Taken from 2 Corinthians 6:1-13

Yeah. Um. Don't worry, be happy, do handstands on the lawn, like me!!! :)

A tough situation may drive you toward God.

'Dear Child,
Perhaps I caused you to feel greatly distressed, and it upset
you. At the time it may have been hard for you, but this feeling of distress,
is like a call from me, it's my way of calling you back, of getting
you to turn around so that you can see me again. So don't regret this
pain my child, use it to drive yourself in my direction. I am here to
help you.

What a good thing this is! When you allow these distressing situations
to become stepping stones to me, you become more alive, more human, more
passionate, more responsible and you will come out of this with a pure
heart.

Turn around child, after all you have deep, deep ties with me (God)

Love, your father'

Based on 2 Corinthians 7:8-13

let it go!

“Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to.”

So, so true. It suddenly dawns on you, it creeps up on you. It's something you don't want to hear, or to think about. All this time you've been fighting it, pushing it, trapping it, stifling it. Is it past the point of repair? Who knows. But what i do know is that for that something to have the chance to repair, it must be let go. Letting go means exactly that. Letting go means, letting go of the hope of that something, happening. Completely and totally. And surrendering it.

Letting it go, and putting it into the hands of our papa, who can take it, and replace that horrid pain with joy, peace and strength.

'don't worry about anything, instead pray about EVERYTHING. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you WILL experience God's peace which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in christ jesus" Phillipians 4:6-7 Remember that our father is completely capable of guarding our heart, so long as we are living daily with jesus.He's also completely capable of replacing pain with peace. Try it.

Thankyou jesus!

a lil bit of romans 4 - my take on it. how bout the 'anbelle version' :)

"My child, it's not that you got my attention by living like a saint, i want you to trust that i WILL make something out of you. even though you may feel like a nobody, even though you are not a saint, i'll make you into something beautiful.

I want you to hear me call you 'child,' and become just that, my child. Dare to trust me to do what only I can do, to make something out of nothing. When everything seems hopeless, believe anyway! Plunge into me, my word, and be ready for me, and be sure i'll make good things come from what i say!"

Your father.

light.

To find it,
you must open your eyes.

You see it peeking beneath the door,
but it seems so far away.

Take a step,
just one.
Then another.

Soon you'll reach the door
where joy is pressing all around it
sneaking through the cracks.

Sliding your hands over the door,
it stumbles upon a handle.

You slump back down,
back against the door,
back against the peeping light.

Do you really want out,
it's comfortable in here?

You cannot see yourself clearly,
nor can you see anything clearly
nothing bad at least,
but also nothing good?

Nothing good.
Is it worth it?

You slowly pull yourself up,
cautiously turn the handle.

And the light streamed in.
You smile.
Beautiful.
Clarity.

heart on a sleeve

Beautiful it was, those few weeks.

But be careful what is said,
to not say anything too soon.

Because i did,
talked to soon.

I foolishly fell,
too fast.

I am reminded, that hearts are real,
and they can be hurt.

that you don't wear your heart on your sleeve,
out of respect.

After all, hearts do change
i understand.

Just a few weeks.
it was too early,
to wear your heart on your sleeve.

Another case of too much too soon.
Crashed.
And Burned.

dark.

Hurt had left a deep mark
to cause me to sit in the silence of dark.

Still, i carry on in this painful fight,
not being able to see the light.

I long to see that flicker of hope,
Yet all i see is an impossibly steep slope

Please, just a little flame or spark,
So it makes it more comfortable to embark.

What a journey is this life, full of struggles
i heard somewhere one should 'jump in puddles'?

Oh please tell me, what i have done my awesome God?
I'm desperate for the comfort of the shepherds rod.

Tell me, when did i get lost?
if i had known, this line i'd never have crossed.

So God, forgive me
That is my crying plea.

I pray you will come to find this lost soul of mine
and that by your grace, i could escape this dark confine.

serve

here to serve him. not him here to serve us. that's my thought for the day... quite a challenging one at that...

love.

I'm kinda learning..true love cannot be forced, nor rushed, If it is it will most likely be destroyed. It needs to be a mutual, even kind of a thing. A cat may love a mouse, all for the wrong reasons of course! It wants to eat it all up! The cat will pounce on the mouse, leaving the poor little creature stuck beneath it's paws, if, for a second that cat lifts it's paws off the mouse, i can guarantee little mousie is going to run, run, run far away and never go back!! Leaving the cat with nothing.

I'm thinking...relationships are just like that. If you pursue a person (boyfie, girlfie, hehe, friend, brother, sister.. anything) too hard, too much, too often, and it's all you doing the pursuing.. .... you've kinda turned into that cat, you've jumped on that poor person, and they have turned into prey, something you want something out of for your own satisfaction, and you're keeping them stuck beneath your paws..... and the moment you let them go, they're going to run away so far, for dear life!! and who knows if you'll ever see them again!! Shux, i can think of many times i've been that cat, and boy it makes me crriinnge.

So.. i think to myself... keep it cool. Don't panic. Just chill. Give it time. Wait. In time i'll see if they're meant to be a true friend mine. If they don't seem to care much, then perhaps it's not the best person to be wanting a friendship with. If they do seem interested, don't try rush the forces of nature, they'll happen, in due course... perhaps. perhaps not. God opens doors and shuts them for a reason. I feel priviliged that god cares so much that he would shut a door for me, he sees things we cannot see, he's protecting us for very good reason. It's also exciting when he opens up a door, as that's all for good reason too. When the hearts in the right place, that is a very exciting position to be in!

'and like i can't force the sun to rise, nor hasten summers start, neither should i rush my way into your heart' brooke fraser

something beautiful

The other day, mum mentioned a hymn she used to sing when she was younger, and it really has stuck in my head. I do believe so many hymns have a lot of power behind them, and amazing lyrics. I think sometimes they can just be passed off as being 'religious' instead of 'spiritual' and we then just close our hearts to it thinking it's too 'in the box' I'm guilty of doing that for sure! But the lyrics to this song are great. Listening to it does make me chuckle because it's so old school, but heck i totally think we could jazz it up or something, those lyrics are pretty gold. And i think they'd speak to a lot of people.

'something beautiful, something good,
all my confusion, he understood
all i had to offer him,
was brokeness and strife
but he made something
beautiful of my life
If there ever were dreams
That were lofty and noble
They were my dreams at the start
And hope for life's best were the hopes
That I harbor down deep in my heart
But my dreams turned to ashes
And my castles all crumbled, my fortune turned to loss
So I wrapped it all in the rags of life
And laid it at the cross.'

Just knowing someone understands us means an awful lot. He will turn our messy life into something beautiful. And the fact that we have that amazing hope that is living inside of us. That is our reality! Now that is something beautiful...

Start with Teaspoons

So last week. I was listening to Joyce Meyer, and was totally challenged. I can't remember the title of the podcast. But it was talking along the lines of being faithful with 'the little things.' Totally presented me with a challenge. Surprisingly hard. When are you faithful with very little, tiny and seemingly insignificant things?

So, i drop a teaspoon into the dishwasher, and it slips through the rack. Oops, instant reaction, 'oh well, it'll still clean down there,' then i hear that voice saying 'do you think jesus would leave it there, or would he make the effort to reach through the gaps and pull the teaspoon out and put it back into the cutlery compartment?' Only a matter of a few seconds and 'lifting a finger' so i picked it up, and put it where it was meant to go.

Another situation where i felt challenged by the little things. A very little white lie. I was just keeping my mouth shut about something, i didn't want to pass the message on, it was only going to be bad news for the receiver of the news. . Wasn't going to hurt anyone left unsaid. Noone would know if i didn't say anything after all, so why tell anyone? Pointless right? That's what i thought. But. the voice again. 'annie, don't be afraid, you know what you need to do, go and tell the person, you're going to be helping them by saying it, it may be disappointing to them to hear, but it is not your fault, it is simply a message you must pass on, you can't always deliver good news' so after walking back and forth and then pausing in the middle of the stairs for a minute.. i walked down and passed on the message. Wasn't as bad as i thought, they smiled and said 'oh cool, thankyou!' I turned back around to go back up the stairs and thanked god for helping me with the little things!!

So yeah, it may seem my only problems are dropping teaspoons in the dishwasher, trust me, i've got far bigger things i need to be faithful in, and i need help from God with the big things, but how can i be faithful with the big things if i'm still having issues with such a small thing? I'm starting with the teaspoons.

I'm beginning to wonder perhaps it's the 'teaspoons' that count. The better you are with little things, the better you will become with the big things. :)

“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities." Luke 16:10

an unexpected visit

It was midnight. The air was cool and crisp, the sky clear, moonlight allowing her to see. She pulled the collar up on her jacket and crossed her arms across her chest to keep warm. Continuing to walk through the forest she tried to numb her mind, tried to run away from the horrible thoughts taunting her, the thoughts that kept her awake each night and forced her to go walking. With tears slowly dripping off her chin she plodded on, passing tree after tree, old leaves crackling underfoot. She hadn't been walking long when she came to a large circular opening, right in the middle of the forest. One she had never encountered before. She stood at the edge of the clearing between two trees, what she saw took her breath away, it was pure beauty. The ground was covered with a fresh deep green grass, each blade shimmering with dew in the moonlight. Tree's towered around the circumference of the clearing.

She stood in awe of this midnight scene for quite some time. A small breeze picked up, causing a rotten twig to fall from the tree. She snapped out of her state of bewilderment. She turned her head and not far from where she was standing, she saw what looked like a man in a white cloak lying down in the grass, staring up into the stars. Afraid she began to turn away, she began to run. But she heard a gentle, smooth voice say 'Charlotte, don't be afraid, i am with you, i created this place just for you, i knew you'd love it,' he chuckled. She stopped straight in her tracks.
'w-w-what??' she said confused, too quiet for him to hear.
He sat up and smiled and reached out his hand toward her. She stood at a distance, further back into the darkness of the trees, taking a step forward toward the man she thought, 'something about this guy ... he's definitely good, he's on my side.. he knows my name?' At that moment she realised, this was her real heavenly papa.
'Come on, my beautiful daughter, i was looking forward to meeting you here!' he said with joy.
She edged her way up to him and took the hand he had held out for her and sat beside him. He lay back down on to the grass, she followed his lead, His hand held hers, tightly. She felt at complete peace, she felt safe. This view before her was too beautiful, it was a beauty no human could experience on their own.
Together they lay, he chatted away to her, cheerfully, holding her shaking hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"you're ok you know Charlotte? This is the peace that i offer anywhere, any time, if you really choose to make an effort to meet me, with my help, together, we can fight these thoughts that engulf your mind each night, it's pretty easy actually'
"What?" she thought "Easy? Every night i struggle to sleep, every night dark thoughts taunt me over and over, exhausting me of energy, i don't call it easy, God" She sputtered... Angered, she pulled her hand out of his. Suddenly the feeling of peace disappeared
The thoughts came pouring back in "you're not going to make it, you're not Good enough, Charlotte. You're not. Look at how many times you've tried to succeed and failed every single time. Give up. God obviously doesn't want you." She shut her eyes only to see that image again, a dark, evil face, smiling as if he had victory over her. She sat up, overcome with terror she screamed, "NO! God, help me, God i can't handle this. I can't. Help, please God. Please!" She cried. She opened her eyes again and looked to her side, this rather human looking father was sitting up holding his hand out to her again, and she reached out and grabbed it. He shuffled closer and held her tight in his arms, wiping the tears off of her cheek. "I love you Charlotte. I love you." He whispered into the cool night air. "You pulled away from me, your hand slipped out of mine, i did not pull away from you Charlotte. I don't force you to stay with me when you choose to go different ways. But did you notice after you had prayed and opened your eyes, i was there? My hand was stretching out to help you, That's all it takes."